need advice please.. concering child

I don't know exactly how to start. My son, who just turned three in March, has been having a difficult time lately. I should say more than lately, for about his whole life, but has gotten worse the past few months. He has always had this "thing" (for lack of a better word) about his toy cars and how they have to be set up. He does the same for chalk, rocks, blocks, crayons, and his toy wrestlers. At first I didn't think anything about it. He likes order as do I, so I just assumed (maybe bad on my part) that he got that from me. Now if you disrupt his order he gets really mad. He will start crying or if it gets bad, he may even hit somebody. The hitting does NOT happen often, but I have seen it get this far. He also has an unusual attachment to certain objects. He carries around an old sock from when Dylan(now almost 2) was a baby. He won't let anybody else touch it or even be near it. We have a "safe" place for it so that way nobody else can get to it, but it's the attachment to it that has me worried. He just started using this sock. Before it was a piece of paper, or his "Kitty" which is a stuffed bear we have had forever. I know the bear is just his lovey and that doesn't bother me at all. He gets attached to these unusual objects more than he does his toys, brothers or sisters, and even me. One of these objects are his shoes. He has about five pairs of shoes, and he knows where they are and if anybody has touched them. He would even sleep with them on and throw a fit if anybody took them off. I talked to him and explained to him that his feet need to "breathe to grow" and he will put his shoes on his bed when he sleeps. He is very independent for his age and is extremely smart. I am worried about these other things because they seem to be holding him back in a way.

I called my Grandmother explaining my concerns to her and her answer was get him on meds and he will get SSI. For one, I do NOT want to put my children on any medication what so ever until I know for sure the side effects, and that they have to have this medicine. I'm not against medicine, but I don't want to put my kids on it if they don't need it. For two, SSI? Where in my concern did I ever say I wanted this for money? I am concerned about my child, not about money. I swear that women will do anything for a buck. If it comes to the medicine, then that is what we will have to do, but there is no way I am going to use my child for this.

I guess I am just wondering if any of you had any advice or have been through any of this? I am doing research, and every page I look at seems to come up for Autism. I don't want to jump to conclusions, so we are making a doctors appointment for next week, but I don't really think it's that. If it is, then it is. I am not a doctor so therefore I cannot say what it is or is not.

Thank you for listening! I really appreciate it.

Yeah seems like some kind of OCD thing maybe. My friend was just told his son is Autistic. He wasn't using his words as much as he should...I'm not too sure of the other signs he was showing.

Also maybe it's just some sort of "lost in the mix" thing. If there are a lot of other kids and things happening (moving maybe) in his life maybe this could just be his way of standing out or getting attention. Maybe these items have become a sort of security blanket. His little source of something familiar...a source of stability. You know like..it's always there no matter what.

Hmm not sure. Poor lil guy, I'm a little OCD and he sounds kinda like me when people come around and mess up my "order" of things. Hey sprout....don't mess with his cars. I'm curious what the DR will say. I know with my friends son the first thing they told him was that they were spoiling the boy and they needed to make him use his words more and not pamper him sooooo much. Well that turned out not to be the case. There boy is beautiful and IMO Autistic children have a sort of special intelligence, a gift. This is all just my guess and obviuosly not a professional opinion.....shoot, I don't even have kids but my dog is OCD which I never knew could even happen untill I adopted her. She gets fixated on items like leafs and shadows. Who knew.

Good luck, sprout. Please let us know what the doctor has to say.

I am not a big fan of putting children on medications. Seems that is the answer to everything these days. When my kids were little, there was no mention of medications. You just dealt with the problem, and diciplined as necessary. Technology and health studies have come such a long way, though.

Keep us posted.

Thanks flame!!! I did think it was an attention thing at first. I give these kids my total attention pretty much 99% of the day. When they run off and play without me, that's when I hope on here. They are napping now, so I get a little bit of me time which is nice. Christian (the three year old) has been asking me more and more to read with him and teach him how, so that's what we are working on now. Everybody says I spoil the kids too much, but I honestly don't think that's the case. They have chores to show them responsibility, they have "quiet time" close to bedtime which is sometimes impossible, but I want to show them that they can entertain themselves without Mom or Dad, they get in trouble like any other child, I just think it's the people outside who don't see what goes on day to day.

I don't mess with his cars, I know better!! I am a bit OCD about certain things myself. I have to have order and organization in my life to be able to maintain my personal happiness. Looking at my house now you would think I would have gone crazy, but can't do much with me on bed rest.

My parents dogs have OCD, at first I thought they were just weird. One of their dogs has anxiety and has to take pills in thunderstorms and when the fireworks go off. They are so much like people. I know what you mean all about that!!

Thank you for all your advice and incite. I really appreciate it!!

Wicked, I know what you mean about the medicine. When we were younger we just did what we had to do! I don't think that some of these kids on medicines now need them. That's just my opinion, and I do not know the personal circumstances of these children. I will keep you all updated!! Thanks again

Sprout....just from my experience it sounds a lot like autism but I'm not an expert by any means. Making a doctor appt was the right thing to do. If you have a birth to three program in your area, the doctor may refer you to them. They will develop a team (all with your input) to evaluate your son.

Thank you Jill!! I hope that whatever it is that is happening to him, may it be Autism, OCD, or just Christian being Christian, as long as he is happy and healthy that's all that matters to me!!!!

Exactly!

As far as giving kids enough attention....they're little hogs Laura knows, she gives her Hannah attention all the time and she still digging and chewing Same with my Roxy....ummmm of course these kids are dogs but sheesh same little attention hogs. Maybe we should be ignoring them more. "Leave me alone I'm on the sampletrain and how about you making ME lunch"!!! Oh well *sigh* a girl can dream can't she??

~Keep us updated~

that's GREAT! Just because they are "pets" does not mean they are not your kids We grew up w/ dogs, cats, birds, fish, hamsters, not all at the same time, so I know what you mean! They are family, not just a "pet"

Only you know your children best. If you are concerned, then mention it to the doctor. Get a professional opinion.

Some children do have certain items that they need and as they get older the need lessens..ex: security blanket, toy, pacifier, etc.

It seems to me that you are handling the situation in the right way. You have concerns about your child, you make an appointment to see a doctor and then you make decisions or have answers.

Please keep us posted and remember we are here for you!!! You have beautiful children!

Hello Hissprout.... first I want to acknowledge how strong you are for seeking advice regarding the behavior and routines/actions of your child. As a parent, I can relate..(I am going through this process right now with my son... Who potentially has Aspergers).. that is no easy task.

Also, I happen to be a Case Manager for the Developmental Disabilities program. ( This is one of my hats....)

I dont know where you live, but here in OR, a parent can apply for developmental disablities services. In that application process, an eligibility worker has the option to send the child to further testing if there is documentation there is/poss a disability... most often times to a psychologist.
The eligibility worker then fills out a form that allows the medicaid program to pay for the testing. (Nothing that comes out of the parents pocket)

The other route:

You could have your primary care physician refer to a developmental pediatricion. The DP should conduct what is called a WISC-IV, and a VINELAND in addition to other tests for potential autism/OCD......

Something to be mindful of.... The DP will want historical information....
When did your child first speak, sit up, roll over, did he lose language,

Does he receive supports in school (early intervention)? Is he on an IFSP? Is this behavior only in the home environment, or is this also in the educational setting? , etc....

As for medication, I too do not believe in medication. There are specific things I purposfully do not provide to my son... Mountian DEW, and thing with red/yellow dyes, etc...

In my experience, the SSI process, is not necessarily about the money per-se.... In OR if an individual has SSI and are under a certain income bracket then they additionally qualify for the health plan.....

This is great that you are acknowledging there could be a potential issue at this point.

Oftentimes, I see the other end of the spectrum where the parent has cared for their child their entire life, had no developmental disabilities services, but received special education supports in school.
Now, an adult aged 45 with Developmental disablities walks into my office to apply for services. It poses a difficulty obtaining records... especially when the school destroys them after 5 years.....

I hope this helps a little..... I hope everything works out for you

Korfizzle, that helped out tremendously!! I have people on both ends of things right now. My mom is telling me he is fine, which maybe he is. I'm not saying she is wrong there. Then I have my grandmother telling me that he has something wrong, which he may as well. Either way I feel as if I'm being pulled in every direction possible right now. I'm listening to what both of them have to say, but only I know what is best for him.

We limit our kids "" food intake quite a bit. My daughter who is now five was VERY hyperactive, and I did not want her to be on meds for it. That is what everybody told me to do, I for one will not just do something because everybody else thinks it's the right thing to do. I changed everybody in the houses diet and everybody started feeling better, acting better, just generally did better. They hardly ever get soda of any kind, they may get it maybe once or twice a year. Everybody says I'm mean, but they don't need all that sugar. They eat healthy snacks such as vegetables and fruit. They will occasionally get the ice cream or Popsicle, and even a bar every now and then, but not as much as i've seen other kids have. We also limit their juice/kool-aid intake as well. Two people in my family are allergic to red 40, and i've noticed that when they have certain foods they get an eczema rash. Two out of four kids have eczema. I try to keep it as healthy as possible and try to get them to try different foods at least twice a week. Not easy, but we do try.

The kids have medicaid at the moment due to husband being laid off and me not being able to work.. I am 30 weeks pregnant and on bed rest because the lil one wants to come early. Luckily it's not complete bed rest, so I can still do everything with the kids that I need and love doing. I am going to call the doctor first thing in the morning to make him an appointment, I have been doing a lot of research to keep myself informed, but I am in no way believing or jumping to conclusions on this subject. I want a profession opinion, as well as I guess you could say advice/moral support from friends as well! I want to be well informed before I just jump into anything. I want to have all the choices possible before we do anything.

I really appreciate everybody who took the time to read my long posts and respond. This really helps out a lot! Thank you all so much once again!

I respect that you are being mindful of the situation and doing research! It is always best to be well informed prior to attending any appointment. And who knows your child best, but you.

30 weeks pregnant. Wow! make sure you take care of yourself too

Hey hissprout. Korfizzle said it best there.
And I for one don't drink soda either nor does my daughter. I was raised without soda and I raised my daughter as well without soda too. It makes a difference.
The kids who drink soda on a regular basis are hyper as crap. And then the parents want them to turn around and pay attention to stuff? I don't think so. Too much caffiene and sugar will make them lose concentration at school and to you.
I think your doing the right thing taking him to the doctor.
But I agree too about what Flameworker said about too much moving might get the child feeling a bit unsteady and a need to relate with certain objects that he knows are still gonna be there for him. At a small age children like routine things and big changes often confuse them and make them feel out of wack. They need to feel safe and a feeling of certaintey.
The house changes alot for his little mind, and where stuff belongs when you move. It's only common sense since he's so smart what stuff is always seen by him (through his eyes) and he will clinge to it (because he knows it's familar).
I think once you settle down, and not move for years...this too shall pass. It will give him and the other kids a sence of security in there lives. And they will adapt to the environment around them better. Most definetly I think without a shadow of a doubt it is this simple thing I just said. He just happens to be a child who's smart and knows when things are different around him and he loses track of things when moving to another house. Often kids at this age. Tell the doctor about all the moving also and see what he says. I don't think your grandmother sees the whole picture here because she doesn't live with you and your kids. You do.
Chris is just making sure that if you move again....his stuff won't get lost. Since he's only 3 and doesn't know when this will take place again,,,,,,in his mind he is preparing for the next move. See what I mean? It only makes sense.
Love ya girl. Keep us posted.
Thanks for sharing with us. And letting us give our input as well.
With much concern, ismile:)